The Coversation worth a thought

My neighbour's grand children had come down from USA for their summer vacations. Its been 3 years they had not visited there "nain-amma" (dadi ma)!

My aunt told me how the kids are not liking India one bit. All they wanted to do was stay home and play in the lil play area aunt has! (Well, my neighbour aunt runs a pre-school and so has a nice kiddie play area too.. )

I made friends with the lovely girls and we kinda got along.. Just a day before they were leaving back for states.. we happened to have a conversation that went this way:

Kid: Do u like India?

Me: Yes, I do.

Kid: What do u like abt it?

Me: Well, its a beautiful country with wonderful people and an amazing cultural heritage sweety!

Kid: May be.. But i do not like India/Hyderabad much.. Its so dirty and trashed everywhere. And its smells so bad too.

Me: No Darling! its not all that bad you know.. I agree the trash is all over the place.. but it aint that bad.. trust me..

Kid: I do not think so! Also, I have some old people knocking at the glass windows at every signal on the road.. Who are they? they are so dirty and carry a baby who is always sleeping in so much noiseee...Who are they ? And why are they that way?

Me: They are the under privileged sweetheart.. they are known as beggars! Its a very hard life they are living u know!

Kid: Okay! Why doesn't anyone do anything for these people.  You know, I have not seen even one beggar in US..

Me: I am sure there are.. But much lesser than in India dear. :)

Kid: Why doesn't someone do something abt the trash and the roads and all..

Like all the conversation i ever had with my dad on this topic.. i decided to answer the same to this lil kid..

Me: India is a very big country and a huge population.. getting things in order will take a while but it is in process!

Kid: How large is India?

Me: Its very large. almost 30 odd states and 7 UT ( the last i remember was 25 states and 7 UT.. now i have lost count!)

Kid: U knw USA has 52 states and yet not even one state looks half like Hyderabad and India in its Trash and smelliness....

Me:(speechless!)

Questions, Questions, & More Questions..

Lately, I have been observing a pattern. A weird pattern! A pattern of questions.. questions that now am started to get sick of! These questions are put not just to me but many of my girl pals who are around my age. Also, people asking these questions are not our family. But neighbors, accquitances, first time meetings friends, friends not including close ones, guys, old aunties...in short its just "OTHERS" for me..

So this is how a conversation on online chats or personal meetings turns out to be...

Others: Hi, Where r u?
Me:      Hey!, Hi... M out of country
Others: Oh! when r u back?
Me:      Not Sure
Others: Aur shaadi kabh kar rahi ho? ( so when are u getting married?)
Me:      Patha Nahi (i donno)
Others: Kyon? Ladka nahi dekha kya? ( Why? have u not seen a guy yet?)
Me:      Nahi (No)
Others: Accha! tou tumhara future ka kya plan hai? ( Okay! so what are your plans for the future)
Me:      Mein kuch plan nahi karti (I dont plan anything)
Others: Oh! gud.
Me:      yup!
Others: So.. tum shaadi India mein karogi ya bahar? (So.. will u get married in India or abroad?)
Me:      I donno.  Haven't thought about it.
Others: gud. But kya tumhe india accha nahi lagta?? ( Oh good.. but is it that u dont like india)
Me:     Aisa kuch nahi hai. Mein holiday pe hoon. (Ther's nothing like that.. M on a holiday ya.. )
Others: Ok. Shaadi pe bulaogi na... (ok. U will invite for ur wedding na?)
Me:      GTG. Will catch up later. :) Ciao...
Others: okay!

Sigh! I hope you got my point... "sulk" :)

The big "M". As if gurls grew up only to get themselves eligible for that big "M". Its not like i do not believe in the consitution of marriage or am against it. Its just that, everything has a time and for many the time may be not as per normal usual practices. Dear people, please give gurls their desired space and time. Especially when their families are there to do all the worrying for them.. :P

I am sure many gurls my age or elder have gone through these series of questions. At least i know of many. What's even more hilarious is the extent of wanting to know when is the wedding...despite trying to fool us by asking random trivial questions..which even we know is not the real question or intention..its all coming back to just that one question..

The best is being asked these annoying set of questions in the same set manner by guys our age.. WOW!

Its funny how the questions have not changed much over a period of time.

Some 7-8 yrs back, the questions asked were:

Others: Hi.. u busy?
Me:      Hi, No tell me...
Others: How r u?
Me:      M good. Hw r u?
Others: Hw's life?
Me:      Fine
Others: Which college? wht u studying?
Me:       XYZ college.. abc subjects
Others: oh cool! So what plans?
Me:      Thanks! nothing yet.
Others: Bfs?
Me:      No.
Others: Hw's it possible?
Me:      Is it important?
Others: Was just wondering hw can u not hv at-least 1..
Me:      OKAY!!!!... well, i gtg.. bye!

LOL... the questions almost remain the same....

so long... :)

Dear "Mr.Knowall" Creatures (M.E.N)- Its Never Too Late...

Human Beings are superior creatures! or if i may be excused.."the most evolved BEASTS"... :)

And what's even best is that, although we all belong to this exceptionally superior category..we discriminate amongst ourselves! Leave alone the world busy discriminating over caste, creed, sects.. bla bla bla.. we just cant stop discriminating between being MAN & WOMAN.. (& excuse me..we are not talking about reservations for women for education etc here...)

I am sure, its not new to any woman or girl down on earth to be treated like,.." what the heck, u don't know this much????", "women!the most confused lot", "women! a pain and reason for all the pain", or even when a guy is driving and the vehicle in front or by their side is that of a women's..u would have definitely said it at least once.."oops! stay far from that car..a lady is driving"...And if this was not enough humiliation, we have people speaking and writing and discussing.."how painful women/girls are".

Recently, i read a blog written by a friend of mine. Describing how useless and pointless it is to understand and even think about a women! No offence though.. But hello..All you "Mr. Knowalls"..Have you ever bothered to think what you'll do and how painful can you'll get? And top it all.. its you men who drool even at the slightest sight of a women! So stop blaming women for everything you see and find.

We women accept, understanding us is complicated.. cause we think with our hearts even before anything in this world. But you'll??? Are you'll even true to yourselves? Give it a thought.

Let me tell you, I am not being biased here. There have been instances when i myself have at least once said.." Oh! such a typical girl".. I accept it. I am pretty tom boyish. And while i can think with my heart. I can be as stubborn and practical as men assume themselves to be. But right now... its not about me.. Its about the arguments and annoying discussions over women and I am totally annoyed with the way Men just go on and on about themselves. Just because women do not say anything does not make them any less superior.  Leave alone that, I have known so many male friends and colleagues who are just as confused and rather even worse than that of women. And to this if my dear male friends want to counter me stating that its just 0.5% or 1%..Then i'd say.. Please dear men..u'l need to introspect.

If a women's understanding is considered to be her stupidity.. and her expressing herself is considered demanding and expensive.. I guess, u'l need to think over as to what do you want. If you'll have so much of a problem with women, y the heck on earth do u run after women. Y is such a status quo to have a her with you when u out for a party or even just by yourself. Y is it that u feel lonely and need her. y is it that u cant just respect her for who she is and accept her the way she is.. rather than customizing her for yourself. She is not an instrument or a toy that you play with her when u like and just dump her in your backyard once your bored.

Its funny, how men want the best and have life on their terms even if the choice they make are stupid! But in case she does the same.. we will have articles talking about " Smart women, not so smart choices". Ha! ha!

Nature is designed this way..  he cant be without her and she cant be with out him. Simple! Its just about nurturing, learning, maturing, and accommodating each other well. You cant always be demanding and customizing as if u were at the Dell online shop! Come to terms with life.. No one can understand his/her partner a 100%. M sure even our parents do not understand each other 100%. But having lived together, cared for each other.. You just begin to love, learn, and grow. Man is a social animal. He cant be alone.

So stop complaining about women. And please for heaven's sake.. if u want to be respected. Then earn it. And don't forget to respect her! she is well deserving of it.

And by the way, you have been made superior not because u are.. But cause we women let u. If women start to behave like u men do.. U shall regret!

Lets live cordially.. trusting, loving, and respecting each other for who we are.

Love Always!



Guilty!

Uncertainity....

"Necessity is the mother of invention."

Its something we'v known forever. But tell me what creates uncertainty? Isn't it the same necessity?
I am a bit puzzled and worried lately at the conversation i have had with people around me. Invariable, every conversation i have had with any person has shown a high degree of randomness/uncertainity.

In a way looking back, i cannot help but wonder how our conversations have changed with time. Even a random person i meet on the road speaks to me with the same degree of anxiety. Anxiety of studies, placements, proposals, post marriage stress, future securement....the list is endless.

We just dont seem to stop! Hold yourself. Please give yourself a moment. Take deep breathes and then think. But think sensibly. You cant eat all the onions in the world today just worrying whether you'll get onions later in life or will they be $100 a kg. Give it a break!

Okay! i know you would think i am being stupid in saying..live your present first before worrying about your future. But think about it! Not everything needs to have a mission and vision behind it. If you wanna go scream your guts out..do it! dont worry about how sour you throats gonna be later..its curable..;) Look at the brighter side to it..you feel happy!

Happy it should be always.............. " Smile, fly high, let the breeze caresses your skin...let it ignite your senses to just break free...and live every moment like its your first................."

Live life! you wont get a second chance!

Ciao,

Love,
Appu

Music... food for the soul.. ;)

The Power of Positive Talk

Read Through. I received a mail from my brother the other day describing the Power of "Positive Talk".

I am copying the same here.. Hope you learn and understand the Power of Positive Talk as much as i did. (I can relate to this article very well...Many a times when mom said, "keep an eye on the milk.Switch it off when it boils..." and 5 mins later she would say," don't forget the milk..else it'l spill..." Oops! n there i can see the milk spill all over the stove..  :P

Well, frankly every time Mom said.." Don't drop..." I for sure have dropped it.. :)

Read on..

The Power of Positive Talk

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did fall. My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image.

Observe what they do. Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil.
Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

 
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people slow.”
 

You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!

Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"But:  Negates any words that are stated before it.
Try:  Presupposes failure.
If:    Presupposes that you may not.
Might:  It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.
Would Have:  Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Should Have:  Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Could Have:  Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Can't/Don't:  These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words. Notice when you or other people use them.If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism. These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children. Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction. So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, "I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar. If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding  ommitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite." People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.The point is made. If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort?Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil."
 Naturally, I dropped the ball. My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career. Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary.This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!"In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.