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The Power of Positive Talk

Read Through. I received a mail from my brother the other day describing the Power of "Positive Talk".

I am copying the same here.. Hope you learn and understand the Power of Positive Talk as much as i did. (I can relate to this article very well...Many a times when mom said, "keep an eye on the milk.Switch it off when it boils..." and 5 mins later she would say," don't forget the milk..else it'l spill..." Oops! n there i can see the milk spill all over the stove..  :P

Well, frankly every time Mom said.." Don't drop..." I for sure have dropped it.. :)

Read on..

The Power of Positive Talk

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did fall. My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image.

Observe what they do. Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil.
Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

 
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people slow.”
 

You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!

Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"But:  Negates any words that are stated before it.
Try:  Presupposes failure.
If:    Presupposes that you may not.
Might:  It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.
Would Have:  Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Should Have:  Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Could Have:  Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Can't/Don't:  These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words. Notice when you or other people use them.If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism. These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children. Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction. So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, "I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar. If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding  ommitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite." People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.The point is made. If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort?Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil."
 Naturally, I dropped the ball. My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career. Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary.This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!"In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

Love is in the Air........

Closest to my heart.. These are  My songs!!! ;)

Happy Valentines Day to one & all..May you have the best Valentine ever.. (every moment in your lives)

The Lady Next Door

Back then, in the 60's & 70's and a large part of the 80's believed in early weddings, especially if there was an eligible bride.. young & beautiful & charming. It was an era when every family possible had a minimum of 4-5 children and without exaggeration even more.

It is during this time, that I know of a lady, 18 years of age..young, dynamic,  humble, pretty, & charming...something that was believed was not part of the characteristic features of the girl but rather something that came with that age. She was THE eligible bride. The eldest and definitely the smartest among the siblings. The parents got her married off..One of their responsibilities was over and done with. In those days probably it was the best!

The Lady next door, as I would like to address, was indeed wonderful. Not sure if her life actually began at 18 or ended. But She was a fighter. In a family that was not one bit homely..all alone..she dreamt. She dreamt fearlessly and strived even more to get her dreams in her palms.

She hoped to be supported by the man she loved and cared for..But had no reasons why she expected so much from him so soon.. He was right in his place and she knew it..But she knew she was not wrong either. She started out and found her way to study. Her studies were the main ingredients to her dreams and aspirations. 

Taking care of kids, in-laws, family, extended family..She was just the ideal daughter-in-law from one of Ekta Kapoor's serials. The one who is the best but never respected and loved for who she was and what she did for the family..Probably in such circumstances..its invariably observed that kids are the only ones who understand, love, care, and support un-conditionally.Her's was a similar picture!

Time passed, and so did the years.. She made a fine teacher out of herself. Where she was just out of school.. she graduated and post graduated her-self with her dedication and passion. A fine teacher and mentor. 

Days passed and she was holding her dreams in her hands. She could feel them in her heart and soul. She felt blessed! She thanked the almighty as always for being there with her. She is never short of ideas and motivation. Its amazing and heart warming to see her work. Her passion.."TEACHING"..her love.. for "KIDS" is outstanding. Today, her dreams are in her lap. I have been privileged to know her so closely. She is "THE LADY NEXT DOOR".

Before she could take a sigh of relief and treasure the  happiness...she was encapsulated into a fight with herself.. I knew of the fight of the survival of fittest..but here i was seeing a fight to survive herself and the uncertainty that was accompanying her.

 

It hurts to see that lady in pain and distress today. She has been wonderful. I do not think she ever hurt an ant. But seeing her in pain is painful. Series of collapses, hurts, surgeries, aches, & pains. Reports do not speak as much as the uncertainty that lies within her. The series of hospital visits every second day, blood tests, scans...I hear the pain in her voice and it hurts me every time i hear her say," I do not know when i am going..". There are tears in her eyes.. I can see it. there's a shiver in her voice..i can sense it..but she pretends to be brave and strong..So long she fought her battle for her dreams..and now she fights a battle with uncertainty!

The other day she went for an MRI. I knew she was going but never knew how that scanner worked. I had read many a times..but just the technical aspects of it..Did not know how it feels to be in there. It was sheer co-incidence that while the lady was in that box, i was reading about the feelings of a Cancer patient going through an MRI (Eating Pomegranates by Sarah Gabriel) . I was scared! 

She is back from the hospital, but her fears are visible in her eyes. The questions are a float in her blood and in every breath she takes. She cannot get her mind to think anything beyond what is happening.. the questions are endless and the answers are blurred and many a times un-available! (The number you dialing is currently unavailable. Please leave a text or call again later.... Annoying!!! isn't it??? )

A self made woman is today standing near the tip of the cliff...wondering how is it going to turn out. Will she fall? Will she find a crystal pathway from the cliff to get to land? Will she bounce off it? She is clueless!

While speaking to her, i was wondering..this lady fought against all odds and became a self made woman. She loves and cares un-conditionally, she thinks for and about anyone except herself, as old as she is..she is still chirpy..What then is it that the/her almighty is expecting from her?

I feel an heaviness in my heart. I cannot write anymore. It hurts me when i hear her crying from within and smiling the american smile.. it hurts that a person who was self-less cannot ask or think of becoming selfish even at this moment. I hate to think how things work in the world. Their surely must be something super natural to all of this. When we work in a company( no matter which sector or vertical or anything), there is always a Boss..the one who decides, the one who is the brain child and approves of things.. I wonder who is the brain child for all this..

I once read an article that spoke of the wonders of life..a "Divine Design" [courtesy: The Speaking Tree, 1999]

When i was lil, my mother used to sew a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering.

As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the lil hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it looked messy from where I sat.

She'd smiled at me, look down and gently say, " Son, you go about your playing and when i am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side." I would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view.

A few minutes would pass and then i would hear mother's voice say, "Son come sit on my knee". This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or sunset. I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked messy.

Then mother would say to me, "My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing."

Many time through the years, I have looked up to heaven and said, " Father what are you doing?" 

He has answered, " I am embroidering your life".

I say, " But it looks like such a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can't they all be bright?"

The father seems to tell me, " My child, you go about your business of doing my business, and one day I will bring you to heaven and put you on my knee and you will see the plan from my side."

I do not know what lies ahead for her. I do not know or can get my mind to understand a thing! But I hope the its going to be worth the wait. And as i always believed and continue to do so.." All's well that ends well"..( Not quiet sure what is it that is good in this saying for her..But i just hope and pray she get's dancing soon..)


Hat's off to the fighter! She for me is my LADY NEXT DOOR!

Kudos!

Love,
Appu


 

The Food Feista.......

Its a been a great week so far. And with 2 more days to go, i just could not resist myself from penning down the excitement. :)

Like i mentioned earlier..Cooking my way through mom's cook book has been exceptionally wonderful so far. I never quiet knew I had her genes drilled into me so well. Indeed! I ain't boasting or creating an imaginary world for myself and for you right now. Trust me! :)

This week's surely been a food fiesta at its best...

With no direction and only a spark of a thought..the food fiesta began..." a mixture of south Indian cuisines with English desserts ".. May sound weird to you..but trust me... U'l love it as much as i have loved preparing and eating them...

South Indian cuisines are amazing... Different flavors..what aromas... ummm!!! Incredible!

Steamed food has its own beauty...

To start with, what better start can the week have than starting from my native land.. "MANGALORE". 

Mangalore is popular  more for its food than probably anything else. The food has a distinct flavor.  Going down history, Manglorean food (as i understand and have read) is a  collective name given to the various cuisines of Tulu Nadu region. The community cuisines being that of Udipi (purely veg),  Mogaveeras, Billavas, Bunts, Saraswat Brahmins, Manglorean Catholics, & Bearys.

Among the communities that i mentioned above, I am well versed with the Saraswat Brahmin & Manglorean Catholic cusines (after all the 2 are an intricate part of me).

Manglorean food is known for the ingredients used. A large portion of the ingredients include coconut, rice, curry leaves, fish, ginger, garlic, and chilli. While these may be some of the ingredients used, i must say..considering the habitat ..which is largely coastal.. and densely supplied with coconut trees and paddy fields... the staple food invariably ends up being RICE, FISH, and COCONUT. (I guess, its totally the place that you live in that make us "human beings" to adapt to the surroundings..)

Being a Konkani, and having lived in every possible state in India..its amazing to discover and feel the culture and use the 5 sensory organs so well.. :P

Jokes apart.. getting back to the food fiesta..

Where Manglorean food was the highlight.. I did have a dash of Kerala & Tamil Nadu cuisines to bring some more variety. Adding a feather to my cap too :)

So here's a week dedicated to South Indian cuisines... 

Idli-Dosa-Sambar-Chutney (ground nut) [pic courtesy: google images]

Puttu (teamed with Ghee, sugar, & Banana) [pic courtesy: google images]

Manglorean Fish (Bangda/Mackerel) Curry, Appams, Sannas [pics courtesy: google images]

Sannas may appear to you as idlis..but it isn't. The moulds used are same and thus the look..but the sponginess and taste is beyond anyone's imagination... do try it some time! :)

Manglorean Fish fry ( teamed with Rice and Daali thoy)

Prawn fry   [pic courtesy: google images]

Phew! That's not it...

To add some variety.. decided lets have some fun around with desserts.. So...baked a raisin veg (egg less) cake..
[pic courtesy: google images]

and..the highlight for the week was the classic CARAMEL CUSTARD with grated orange (adding the required crunchiness and flavor to my pudding)..also known as Creme Caramel..
A lil brief i read about caramel custard which i could not resist myself from copy-pasting in here...


Baked custard! "Creme caramel. A light egg custard that is baked in a caramel-lined mould in a water bath. After the custard is baked, it is chilled and then turned out of the mold....In Spain, it is called flan and in Italy, crema caramella."
---The International Dictionary of Desserts, Pastries, and Confections, Carole Bloom [Hearst Books:New York] 1995 (p. 84) 

[pic courtesy: google images]

 

Aha! God bless Internet...and thank you all you wonderful people who have uploaded such wonderful pictures that I took your help instead of posting the pictures of the dishes i made.. (apparently, i do not click pictures of what i prepare....so ... :P)

Its amazing how I am discovering a new side to me.. The funny yet surprising part is that i never ever stood with my mom while she baked & cooked us these wonderful recipes, yet I am not letting her down for sure. I can vouch for it! (now that i am in her shoes...)

Love you mom... Muah! :*

So long...

Bon Apetite!!!

P.S: This blog is dedicated to my wonderful Mother for her love & patience & guidance & GENES...& & & & & ....(the list is long!!!!) In short... "I love You Ma" & i dedicate my food blog to you.. I hope u have loved the li'l cooking i have been doing... http://telangs-grubhub.blogspot.com

Old and unwell??? Get well super sooon....... :-|

Ex-Servicemen Contributory Health Scheme....aka "ECHS".. :)

A scheme that was developed keeping in mind the health of every army personnel after retirement.A medical cover. A noble thought indeed. My association with ECHS is due to dad...nothing more..Whenever i have fallen ill or needed to go to a hospital it has ended up being a private hospital after dad retired since i was never home. :)

Yesterday, after a long long time i went to ECHS with an aunt. Its funny how you can be treated at times. No offense..But what is with the made up accent and extra over the top love for a 14 year old boy who for sure heart of hearts must be wondering."what's wrong with this lady..why is she treating me like a kid..." :) Funny indeed...yet the love dint seem to disappear.. anyways..was just observing how it is when a kid walks in with his father to that place and what happens when he's all alone going to get treated.. when a retired doctor goes to get a referral written and when an ordinary man tries to ask for a referral.. Sincerely, no offense to the medical profession..but honestly..its not socially inclined anymore..its a corporate sector now. Works as per time and money.   

It was my turn, and i smiled at the lady who was doing the registration..Surprisingly,all the love 2 minutes before disappeared.. Not like i was looking 40 and evil... anyways..women are crazy and forever biased.. No offense!!! :P but its true..  Requested her for a referral and she denied..well.. i was a bit irritated..i cant seem to get along well with doctors despite the fact that my father and family is immersed and part of the same fraternity. As it is said.. "beggars are not the choosers" so..i gave in to what the lady had to tell.. Its not like its written on my forehead that i can bear free advice and talk all the time..yet..people have not yet given up on me.. Sometimes it just feels like i should just say.."hello, please cut the crap! I am not interested in what you have to tell me..I have things to do and can't spend all day listening to you... "  But unfortunately or fortunately as you want to call it..I can never ever say it to anyone.. ANYONE!!!!... anyways...so what next..we finally go in only to get to know the doctor we wish to see leaves at SHARP 12 o'clock.  What then.. knowing the ward boys and ladies is quiet a help at times.. managed to get our way to see the doctor.. (Honestly, we did not go to the doctor who the lady suggested us to go.. ha ha ha)

The doctor did not have even the slightest smile at the corner of his lips..he was grumpy...as if cursing us to have come at the nth hour and that to with out a referral.. our need..so cant have the same look as the doctor in return for the look he gave us..  Anyways...stuck around for quiet a while and got what we wanted..

The whole time i was at ECHS, all i observed was the behavior of the doctors towards the patients, the administrators of the place and the way they spoke of behaved. I wonder, when they must have retired they must have felt a heaviness, a withdrawal, a sudden depression..like life was ending..but then they got going..got a job as an ex-serviceman to serve the ex-servicemen..those who have done so much for the army/nation/people.. yet..why is it that people forget that the power and position they hold will die out someday..they will be in the same position as what these poor old army men are today...You keep them waiting for treatment ..someday you wont have anyone to even see you..May be you have been an exceptional doctor..but what's the point if you did not do your bit sincerely... What happened to the Hippocratic oath... are doctors not taking it anymore..or is it hypocrisy???

It horrible to be old..and even worse to be unwell.. and if you are an ex-servicemen..i guess its even worse.. 

Grow up people...GROW UP!!!!

Cooking my way through Ma's cook book...

Ola!

This year has started with a surprise. I am not quiet used to surprises, although I always wondered what it was to be pleasantly surprised! Finally, i too know what it feels to be getting surprises.. :)

As long as it was about surprises, i was living every moment..Till my happiness needed some rest.. well not in the bad way.. Just a bit of cold here and there..Now am up and about...back to life!

Lately, have been wondering how to pass/kill my time... I have 8 months of idle time in hand. There are loads of things i wanted to do all the time..but was wondering if i should get back to working or hold on and pursue my desires of various hobbies..haven't been able to come to a conclusion yet... :(

Anyway, i was cleaning up the house...when i found my mother's cook book.. "hand written" by herself. Mom's an amazing cook!

Well, this cook book is something mom wrote for me 3 years back and continues to add new recipes as she discovers new ones...Mom said she'd give me this book when i leave home... Hah! That'l have to wait..Nevertheless, i couldn't resist not going through the contents and details mentioned in it... Like i said..My mom's an amazing cook.. we never had the need or want or even requirement to go out and indulge ourselves..You think of any dish and ma would put on the table.. All we had to do was tell mom..." i feel like eating...XYZ..." Mom's a darling...All mom's are meant to be.. Hats off Mommy! Your a genius! Muah :*

Well, i am not much of a cook. I don't quiet venture out to cook on my own. I either need to be told to do so..or just any crisis and i don't mind cooking.. Although i am extremely fond of eating.. And frankly could cook the easy stuff that i love eating regularly.

Surprisingly, I have seen myself change over a couple of years.. I love inspirational movies..and cooking has become a hot favorite. :) Ratatouille, Julia & Julie, Chew, Master chef,etc.. I just cant seem to get over with any of these movies/serials..

The other day, i decided if not for anything i will at-least try to get cooking some decent food. I want to be as good as my mother if not better than her.. May be Half as good as her.. I think i can do it...So finally got cooking..and now am going to cook my way through my mom's cook book. In these 8 months, i am not sure as to what i will accomplish and what i will not. But definitely, i will try to spend every single day discovering something new about myself...Be it music, sports, cooking, dancing... I am gonna enjoy everything i do.. No sulking! No cribbing! Just pure discovering and living every moment to its fullest...

For starters, i have started looking out for a job..lets hope i get something worthwhile... The place i live in does not quiet have many openings in my area..but that's ok..its experiment mode..so i think i can move out of my set zone and find something different yet worth learning from..

Secondly, i finally got going in the kitchen and now am friends with it.. :)
From cooking pretty simple stuff to now moving on to making soups every day...i am loving it..love the fact that it tastes just like mom's..gives me the confidence to get better and moving ahead..

Today..was special for me.. special coz i baked a cake in mom's absence.. There have been several occasions when i have baked cakes...but they have been under mom's guidance and supervision.. today, i didn't just bake any cake..but i baked a Vegetarian cake/egg-less cake...n to my surprise...its edible and above all feels like mom baked it for me...

I am definitely enjoying this moment... am enjoying the fact that i can cook the way my mom does..just that i don't want to peep into the book all the time...want it to be on the tip of my fingers...Yeah! its pretty early for me to get there..but i sure will make it.. After all, i am my mother's girl... ;)

Till then.. Ciao...

Bon Apetite!!! :)